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TRIBE OVER LOVE?

 Aloha! How's it going sweethearts? Alright, so we have heard plenty talk about how the issue of tribalism has messed up prospective and already set up marriages yea?
It's sad that in this modern day and time we still base as a criterion the tribe of a person we want to settle down with when love should lead the way. This problem may not necessarily come from the individuals themselves, but the family and relatives. A lot of us don't even realize how horrible it can be not until we find ourselves in the same position.

Many people have remained unmarried due to the opposition from families when they finally bring home someone they love and want to settle down with. Even when they eventually get married, watch how the marriage crashes down due to problems and interference of extended family members for lack of acceptance and approval. Tribalism is like the core foundation of Nigerians' and a lot of Africans' values. We've been brought up to think or have certain perceptions of other tribes or ethnic groups. As a result we have increase in unhappy marriages, cheating, broken homes, divorce rates and even unemployment (but that's a topic for another day).

I get that parents and relatives may want the very best for us. They may have probably had experiences or seen other people's experiences to have marked some tribes as no go areas. Most of them have been so brought up in a way that they think marrying from any other tribe asides theirs would be making the blood line impure. This issue doesn't just arise in inter-tribal relationships...even within a tribe there are boundaries oh. For example, me as an Anambra girl, from childhood, I've already been given list of places in Igboland that I can't marry to, not to talk of other tribes. I'm sure some other people can attest to this. Why is it so? Like the tribalism runs deep in the blood. It gets to the extent of "suicide" and "disown" threats or even placing curses if such marriages take place. And whether we like it or not, we do need our parents' blessings as far as marriage is concerned.

Sigh! It's sad that we can't just up and go against laid rules and wishes of our families in most cases. After all, family first right? Nevertheless, I still believe and hope that our own generation will embrace ethnic diversity in love and marriage. I still hope we can foster true love and good relationships among each other to obliterate this tribalism of a thing. We should each contribute our own quota to this battle. A Fulani man should be able to get married to an Ikwerre or Igbo man. A Ghanaian lady should not have hassles in settling down with a Nigerian or South African. The earlier we change our mindsets the better. Personally I love the idea of mixed marriages and learning other people's cultures...Variety is the spice of life not so?

Notwithstanding my own views, I doubt I'd be able to forge ahead with a relationship or marriage not approved by my family....that's just how I've been brought up. What about you? Talk with Krystal :)

10 comments:

  1. Anonymous25/2/16 12:50

    like seriously! If your family oppose your love decision, you go with them? That aint love o jere! Ur opinion though! For me, i will go with my heart desire irrespective of what they think. They wont live with me in my matrimonial home so why should they be bothered about who i marry? What matters is my joy and happiness! Infact, their opinions are irrelevant! African and barbaric mentality! Peace!

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    1. Real talk. I'm glad you have such strong will. Trust me I wish many people including myself can be this strong willed.like I said I am and will always be against tribalism. And I'd make sure others too try to get rid of it. Thank u again. Very real talk

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  2. LOL!! I wish our folks would actually, read this and give us a very good reason why they do what they do.. Because sometimes you hear them date back to God knows when, my mum will say something like "Hmmm her fathers Step mothers Uncle was a very bad man, I will not allow you to go and suffer oh" and then you'd wonder how this so said person will come in between your Union.. Although it's sad, they tend to decide 70% of what we do one way or the other.. But as for me I've told them I have little or no time to fall in love with someone and then be made to fall in love with another just for some reasons not so good enough. I think prayers will always make any Union a blissful one no matter what..

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    1. Well said!! A union will b blissful with God in it. Dalu plenty lol.

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  3. marriage is more than just two people being in love and compatible, its a union of families too. You can force a horse to the lake but u can't force it to drink. if your family opposes the union.... well u have two options; 1. Leave the country and marry or 2. find a new partner

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    1. Lol hahaha no lie at all Manuel no lie. We can only hope the families agree and understand finally.

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  4. It pains me to the marrow when I see parents overtly and strongly refusing their child getting married to someone he/she loves and want to settle down with for no other reason but for the person's tribe. Some of them even go as far as saying “over my dead body”.

    If your child strongly believes the person he/she wanna get married to will be d best spouse for him/her and that they are compatible, then let it be, except there are very cogent reasons. After all they are adults and matured enough to make their own life choices. Their choices will affect them much more than it will to you.

    It also baffles me that some persons also even without parents’ interference have MADE UP their mind never to marry from a particular tribe, and in some instances even in another town even in their own tribe/state of origin. Before some of them sabi, menopause don set in. Then it gets to a time of “whether e don ripe or not, pluck am come”.

    I always tell people that “NO VILLAGE WEY NO GET MUD HOUSE OH!!!!”. I don see people wey marry from their village, yet everyday na fight for house; while some that married from far away dey bask in happy marriages.

    I got married to someone from a town where people detest, but Krystal I can, without mincing words, happily tell you that I have d best spouse on earth. I thank God for the kind of family I came from, as I got support from my family when I made the move..

    My two cents…..

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    1. *claps* ds your talk pass 2 cents abeg!. You do well. Thank you very much.

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  5. When I moved down to the east to school, I noticed the whole tribe ish and how people differentiate themselves internally although they are from same region. I guess its the black man mentality. As for me, no matter the tribe or ethic, if am in love wif yu, I am... no jupiter or saturn can spoil the union..

    N.B; got this internal tingly for nigerian, arab, Spaniard and russian ladies. ***runs away**

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    1. Aha! You have used style to tell us the type of women you like eh..try well oh. Lol. Nice stand hun.

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