I remember one time I talked about abusive relationships where I strongly advised anyone in such entanglements to BREAK OUT OR BE BROKEN. People still don't really take this domestic violence of a thing very serious, not until there's a casualty or some other form of catastrophe.
I've been following this case of late Ronke Shonde closely....and I'm thankful that the police have arrested the culprit of a husband. It's sad some people actually believe she deserved the fate meted out to her because she was allegedly accused of infidelity.
Whether or not that is true, no man has the right to lay hands on a woman! That is derogatory of your status as a man, it makes you the equivalent of an animal. But that's not even the main reason I'm bringing this up.
Now ladies, please note this. I know the whole feeling of wanting to get married and feign some reputation to family, friends and society in general. Many of you jump into marriage without knowing whom you're about to get in bed with. You just want the big wedding, the feeling that you're getting married before your mates...you live a façade and make people believe all is well while you're actually suffering in the hands of someone that is meant to protect you. Some of you may have been deceived quite alright at the very beginning, he may not have been the mad lover that he is now. But sisters please, the moment you notice something off, don't take it lightly. A man that raises a finger on you one time would do so again. Don't assume it will happen just once. Some men are insecure; once they notice their spouse is doing better than them or she attracts a lot of attention from other men. For peace sakes, if she was not beautiful or wife worthy in the first place, you would have not fallen for her. To me a man should be proud if men like him appreciate what he also sees in her. And well if she does better than you, whose fault? Definitely not hers! She did her own part in working hard to get to the point she is today.
If your man is not happy with your success, Aunty run for your dear life because he's about to cut it short. If he abuses you verbally, be rest assured it will escalate to the physical form. Don't stay in an abusive marriage because you're scared of shame or what society would think. If you die the same society would ask why you stayed back. That's the world we live in. The society that will scream "Keep your issues private, handle it internally, marriage is hard sometimes, it's for better for worse, suffer in silence.." would be the same one to go ballistic when you're finally dead! Please break out of that marriage or relationship. You are destined for much more than being a punching bag of a no good man. We need to learn from people's mistakes. Nothing on earth justifies you being beaten to a pulp. NO MATTER WHAT!! Don't be scared to speak out or report to appropriate authorities. These days it's even easier. If you can't speak for yourself, the media will help you. Reach out to someone to give you a voice. Let your case be heard. Divorce the human....take your kids away from such violence. Do you know the trauma you'd be putting your kids through if you continue to stay in such a marriage? Some would say they're holding on because of the children. For your information you're doing them more harm than good. They would also blame you in future for not standing up for yourself....because you're teaching them it's okay for a man to kick his wife and go free. You're telling them it's okay to die because you're trying to save face.
Please ladies, damn what society or your family thinks. They are not the one putting on the shoes. You alone know how it hurts. BREAK FREE!! I know there are more people like Ronke who are still holding on to a lost cause. Don't wait till you're half or fully dead before you realize what you should have done a long time ago. No man is worth the pain. If he hurts you, he definitely doesn't deserve you.
God bless the soul of late Ronke Shonde and the souls of other women who have lost their lives to domestic violence. I pray they find rest. I still pray ladies would wisen up and realize that marriage is not a do or die affair. Marriage is not compulsory in fact! If you're not sure about it don't dabble in it. If you're already stuck in an abusive marriage, report to the cops and let your savage of a husband be apprehended. Neighbours sef that will be hearing such violent noise, do something. Don't just sit back and hope all is well. That's what the neighbors of Ronke did. They held back..."it's a normal couple's spat....not our business.....let's not go poke nosing"....but at the end same neighbors broke down the door and gave police reports that they heard a noise coming from the flat that morning but didn't think it was anything serious.
Always assume it's not a trivial issue....be your brother and sister's keepers. Look out for one another. You could save a life. And I urge people not to even judge the dead. I actually don't care if she was having an affair with another man. All I know is no one deserves such a fate and people like her husband should be stopped before it's too late.
This applies to men too. There are few cases of men being abused by their spouses. It happens. Don't take it even as you fight the urge not to hit her.
That's all for today...but you know I have to ask....What are your thoughts on this? Should people being abused still stay and work things out in their marriage or not? Let me know if you agree with me, share your experiences and advice...you just might be helping someone.
Much love....Talk with Krystal.