EMBRACING VULNERABILITY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
If you've ever been hurt in a past relationship, you can agree with me it takes some sort of miracle to get past it and be fine again. And when you've gotten your shii together, some other person who might just be the real deal comes along; but because of all you've been through, you build some really great walls like the great wall of China and can't bring yourself to love completely.
Many people have punished really good partners for the sins their ex's committed. They push them away, and would rather not be vulnerable around them in the guise of protecting themselves from any pending or looming doom.
I'm guilty of this....or I used to be. Truth is, experiences can make, bend or break you. As much as you'd try as much as possible to be wiser and not be taken for a fool in your relationships, allow yourself to really love and be loved in return. Break down those walls and let yourself be vulnerable....bare yourself. For those walls you put up would only mess things up with the very one who's come to show you why it didn't work out with other people.
Now being vulnerable doesn't mean you're weak or you're a zombie that can be toyed with or controlled by your spouse. No darl. To the contrary, it implies the courage to be yourself. It involves uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure; probably the reason it's scary especially when you've been heartbroken over and over again.
I made a pact with myself one time not to open up to anyone for any reason. Why? Because of the fear of being hurt again or being rejected for who I truly am. I thought to myself "It didn't work with so and so person even though I was the best version of myself and never held back...If being vulnerable before didn't work, why would it work now? Why should I open up to someone else and let them in just to have the same thing happen again?" Naaaa, I wasn't cut out for the bull again...I was a moderate version of an Angry Hurt Black Woman. My notion was "Be numb, feel nothing, do nothing, show nothing; if they want to be around fine. If not, at least you're not hurt so Boy Bye". Boy was I wrong. Kai! I messed up there big time.
No matter how hard it may be to believe, everyone is not the freaking same. Do not let some lame sorry pathetic excuse of a human being rob you of the joy of being truly happy with "YOUR ONE".
I've come to realize that one can never really enjoy love in it's realest and purest form if you don't let yourself go...let your flaws/imperfections be seen, let your stories be heard and allow yourself to heal....
As much as it makes your relationship better and even last long and stronger, vulnerability can hurt indeed, don't get it twisted. I've already said that...when you let yourself fall and go in a relationship that then doesn't end up as well as you wished for, it will sting bad. However, it is absolutely worth walking through fear and vulnerability to experience that deep connection. Even though you try to ide or run from it, being vulnerable is an inevitable part of relationships (that is if it's not just some fling you'd throw away in no time)
You'd get to appreciate your vulnerability with the right one because you get to be afraid and your partner gets afraid with you too. To know that you are seen and loved for who you are and to perceive someone else in all of their vulnerability and love them as they are may just be one of life’s most fulfilling experiences (believe me!!). Make the choice to be courageous and embrace vulnerability. It is 100% better to love and lose, than to never love at all. I should know for I have had my own fair share of hurts and losses, but I definitely won't give up my vulnerability. If you get hurt in the process, pick yourself up, dust it off and try again. Wait for the One to come to you and love the heck out of that person with no walls keeping them out!
Hope you've all been good. My health's been dancing alingo but I'm a fighter, so do say a prayer for me. Till next time, your baby girl, Krystal ;)
Labels: Real Talk