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LOUD SILENCE

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             Source: mindfulnessenpalabras

If like me you have been a victim of the silent treatment one too many times, then you must know by now it is one of the worst, if not the worst form of emotional abuse. I often feel it's a punishment worse than death.

Silence breeds toxicity in a relationship and it takes a whole lot to not feel resented, abandoned and lonely. Silent treatment gives the abuser control and serves as punishment for the victim's perceived attempt at having some little ego. The silencer in a narcissistic way takes away the voice of the victim to air his/her opinion/feelings about issues that should be talked about because the victim dreads the silence. The abuser already knows the type of reaction to expect and goes on to employ it to get a sense of control.

I'd explain how this works from my own experience. Once the silence ensues, the victim's mind goes on a journey, wondering and trying to understand why they are being denied love from the so called boo. Next the silence becomes so loud it's deafening and that's where manipulation sets in. The victim is manipulated to apologize for whatever went wrong whether or not it was through any fault of theirs, forced to sweep everything under the mat and not speak about it again, resorting to any method to please the silencer just so they could get their approval, affection and attention again. What couples don't get is that matters not dealt with as they come leave room for tension to build up in the future.
Now people with this narcissistic behavior lack empathy, a trait very dominant in their targets. As such the empathic victim will always reach out via texts, phone calls or even in person but then, again as I have often experienced, everything is met with an even greater contempt, disdain and yes, more silence. I can tell you I feel my soul literally dies when my calls or texts are purposely being ignored and yet I'm still trying to initiate/establish any form of contact possible.

It would be easy to just say "be petty and do same to him/her" or "just up and leave"....easier said than done. In my opinion, silence can never be broken by more silence. If you decide to play same chord as your silencer, you increase the breach that already exists and go on to break the bond between you two. Sooner or later, you will definitely kiss the relationship goodbye (well if that's what you want, go ahead). First thing to do is to attempt understanding the reasons your partner resorts to silent treatment  as opposed to having a decent mature conversation with you about your problems. At a later time when tempers must have cooled down and y'all are good again, talk respectfully with them about it and let them know exactly how they make you feel (though most already know, but say it regardless). While doing this, avoid raising your voice lest another cycle resumes.

However, let it be a clear fact that a strong healthy relationship is definitely bound to have unforeseen conflicts and it takes a couple of matured minds with emotional intelligence to know communication is key and decide to talk out their differences. Always remember darlings, you are worthy of a healthy relationship with someone emotionally mature; you deserve no less than that. It does get to a point where you have to let go of an emotionally abusive partner for the sake of your sanity and peace. You can't always be the one trying to make your relationship stay afloat. There's no use fighting for it when the other party is not willing to put in as much effort. So yes, choose to refuse emotional abuse!
That's about that...remember to stay warm.
Your girl always, Krystal.

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