Each time I read posts about sexual abuse on children, it breaks my heart. Not just because I think the perpetrators are sick, twisted and demented; but also because of the trauma these little ones are put through and also how upsetting it is that those meant to take care of them (parents and guardians) would rather not believe them or try to cover up such a crime. I recall writing sometime in 2016 or so about this particular issue and the urgent need for it to be curbed.
As parents, guardians, teachers, elders and siblings, we really really need to do more where sexual abuse is concerned. It’s ridiculous that some parents would blame the child for the sins of a pedophile and go as far as beating them. I have heard a woman curse out her daughter and call her a prostitute for “tempting” a relative that abused her. Horrible!
I’d like to share an experience. Never really told outsiders about it, but when I think back, I love my mother even more for how she handled everything. This happened when I was just about 5 years old. The neighbour’s daughter then had her birthday party so as usual, the kids went for the celebration upstairs, just above our apartment. We had a male help at the time…can never forget his name..Azubuike. I remember coming back home to get my doll so I could play “mummy” at the party. No one was home….except him. I went into the room and he came in just after me. I paid him no mind because all that was in my head was finding my “doll baby” and running back to the party. I was just about to dash out of the room when he closed the door and with a calm but stern voice, told me to “Lie down on the bed first, let me show you something”. “Ooooohhh!!” I said, “They are waiting for me; let me go, after Nengi’s birthday”. He refused. I was still standing by the door. He then said I should go do what he said if I wanted to leave soon. I was pretty much upset then but I sat on the bed regardless. Next he pulled out what seemed to me then like a worm in between his legs. His words: “What I want to show you is very sweet. Just lie down.” He came closer, touched my face and then my legs and I went “Mummy said I should not allow anyone touch me there, please I’m going back upstairs”. That didn’t seem to stop him, somehow he was determined to carry out his devilish mission that day. I then said “I will report oh” but he assured me he wasn’t doing anything wrong. He’s just playing with me. I kept talking like a child I was and he ordered me to remain quiet or else he would beat me. I held my doll close to my chest and already started crying. He had just gotten on top when my sister miraculously opened the door. Fortunately she thought I had taken too long and came to hurry me up back upstairs. She froze by the door as uncle Azubuike hurriedly got off. He did the “keep quiet” sign with his index finger on his lips and left us. My sister came and sat beside me, asking what happened and why I was crying. I told her all that went down “Uncle said I must play with him or he will beat me”. We kept pondering whether or not to tell mummy. I was usually the very scared timid one back then. For some reason I felt mummy will beat me too. But my sister had a sharp mouth (which in this case came in handy). While mum was giving us a bath a couple of days after, she told her. “Mummy uncle wanted to beat Ada on Nengi’s birthday because she refused to play with him and she was crying”. My mother froze. I remember the look on her face…somewhat confused and shocked. She asked me to tell her everything as it happened. She was already crying and I felt I had committed a big sin. She asked “did he put the worm inside here?”. The sigh of relief she gave when I said “NO”..even though distressed I could tell she had calmed down a bit. She dried us up and went to meet daddy in the room. My sis and I just kept talking in our room, wondering what could happen next. We heard “gbim gboom gbam”…sounds of fist blows and belt lashing. Dad called some people, don’t know who they were; but I never saw uncle Azubuike again.
I was pampered for long since then and it was like mumsy would almost always ask “Did anyone touch you?” She told us to always scream for help once we notice someone trying to do what uncle did. I know she was still trying to evade going into plenty details about sex and sexual abuse. But she did her best and we sure got the message. I trusted her more since then. I felt protected, I felt loved. I believed I could confide in her no matter what.
This is what it should be. If my mum had lashed out at me or tried to cover up his misdeeds, I would have probably thought it was okay for something like that to happen. I’d have seen no wrong and assumed I was the one being stubborn and disrespectful. Parents do not know the amount of influence they have on their kids with their actions. Elders in the society tend to brush these things and believe a child is fabricating lies against another person cause they think he/she (pedophile) is upright. If a child tells you something is wrong, someone did something to them, you better look into it. Children have innocent minds. Your first question should be why they would want to frame or set a particular person up.
I read the other day in the news that some school got their attorney to defend a teacher that was accused by a child for sexual abuse. REALLY??!! The teacher has a right to a defense attorney no doubt, but for the school to be taking the teacher’s side, saying he is God fearing and responsible is total BS!! It be these same people in churches, families and other places that carry out such demonic acts. If I had a child in that school, he’d have been out of there the next day.
Today alone I read different stories of children being abused by even their fathers, mothers and relatives and how no one believes them when they speak up. You are slowly taking away their voices. You shush these kids up or beat them up saying they are the devils. You are just as much a monster as the pedophile. TAKE SEXUAL ABUSE SERIOUSLY. Give your child some basic sex education, it’s never too early. Let them know who/what a pedophile is and the signs to look out for. As they age you keep updating the information you have given them. I would have been a victim…the thought of my experience still haunts me sometimes, but imagine the trauma a child that is constantly abused sexually goes through. Some of them have their psychology altered that it’s okay for their parents or siblings to do things to them. It’s okay for anybody to just come and touch you in funny places. This has to stop. My heart is so very much heavy I could vent all day about this here.
Some NGOs are doing some good work but more still needs to be done. Every child deserves to be protected from these animals. Parents, guardians and the society at large need to step up and take charge. Schools should also include it as part of a curriculum, educating children on what's wrong and when to raise alarms. It’s becoming too much. A child of 13 years came into the pharmacy to get Postinor 2 the other day for herself. I could not be more upset. And she was so petite in stature. Ask people like her who’s doing things with them and they would proudly say their boyfriends that have good jobs take care of them.
WE NEED TO DO MORE. Everyone can act. Don’t wait till it happens to yours before you take a step. Speak up, advocate for the helpless. If the parents don’t want to take action and you have the means, do so! Protect these children and nab these mad pedophiles with raging hormones like animals in the wild. Let’s put them where they really belong.
I’m just going to take a breather right now because I’m really fuming. I’m open to helping as well so please if you do have any idea as to how we can make things better, email firstname.lastname@example.org or if you have my mobile number, contact me.
God bless and keep us,