Skip to main content

The A/S Question: When Is the Right Time To Ask?

Most, if not all of us, know genotype poses a big issue when choosing a life partner. It's good that more people are getting more enlightened about Sickle Cell Anaemia and the risk that comes with marrying a person that carries the sickle cell trait as themselves (both parties being AS). But then there's always the headache of having to figure out when to pop the big question. No no, not the one that comes with that shiny rock; the "What is your genotype?"

A friend told an experience about a guy her cousin tried setting her up with. The very first day the spoke over the phone, after introducing himself, dude wasted no time in throwing the question at her sharply. Sister was immediately turned off and decided he was a NO NO. Not because she's not AA but cause she felt the question came to early with some desperation and was too personal.

See, I honestly don't blame the oga. He was trying to be cautious and know whether or not to proceed. To me, I don't have an issue with someone asking that even on the first date or first time we're holding a conversation. I feel like it tells me the person is obviously looking for someone to have a future with not just  fling or a relationship for the moment. He's looking for someone to go the long haul with (might not be true but that's how I perceive it).

I have never asked anyone about their genotype because I don't have to; I'm AA so I'm at liberty to be with anyone regardless. I think if you fall in this category, there is no need bringing up the topic till maybe much later just for formalities. However, if I were AS, I doubt I'd wait till I've gone some miles and established some relationship with you to ask you about it. I mean, I can't afford to start tripping only for me to have my hopes dashed because of our genotype. Fine I may not ask on the first date but mbok thee next time we get to talk it's definitely coming up.

So I'm all for asking before the start of a relationship and not waiting to be comfortable with each other first. My advice? Ask away abeg (but in a subtle manner). Don't wait!! If they think you're being desperate no wahala. Whether or not the relationship leads to the altar, that's not the problem. The issue would be both partners finally feeling comfortable and in love with each other and just like that the bombshell of knowing there is absolutely no future for you two together, dropping on y'all and then you have to cry your heart out. It's easier to bounce when no feelings are involved yet. Some people who ask after they are neck deep begin doing calculations and drawing genealogy tree to see if they will be able to have all healthy children. Aunty! Uncle! No even think am. Except you have no intention of having children of your own. Someone will come and say "We love each other, that's all that matters, we're right for each other"...Please!!! Respect yourselves and don't try it. You don't want to bring a child into this world just to put him through unfathomable excruciating pain. It's not fair to them or even to you who will be the parents...the emotional and financial drain you will experience is inexplicable.

I've talked my own. Ask before you start thinking of dating not to talk of falling for the person. But I'd love to hear from you. When do you think it's appropriate to pop the question? First date, second date, when you are comfortable with each other, some time before marriage? Let me know

Talk as always with no one else but your favorite girl, Krystal.